Million Dollar Baby

I’m biased. I know this.

Yeah, not model worthy.
Yeah, not model worthy.

When you have a baby, you end up getting a lot of baby things. And on these baby things are, yep, babies. These babies are wearing the clothes or playing with the toys, or reading the books.

Frankly, I haven’t been impressed. Some of these babies are not as cute as mine.

Again, I’m biased. Although, not particularly. There was a study released this summer that said 20% of parents think their baby is ugly. Look, I’m a 30-something person who uses Facebook, so I see baby pictures all the time and 20% seems low to me.

But, seriously, my kid is cuter than a lot of these baby models. And I want to explore getting her some work.

My theory has always been that if Ella gets some baby modeling, any money she earns from looking super cute — aka, looking normal — would go into a college fund. Or a Swiss bank account. Or Disney stock.

The idea being that only Ella would be able to access the money so we don’t turn into the Lohans. Or the High School Musical star suing his parents for stealing his money.

This seems like a foolproof plan. Contact an agency, go to Wal-Mart and get some head shots, then — boom! — Ella makes millions and she can go to whatever college she wants.

Only that my wife isn’t thrilled whenever I bring it up. A conversation usually goes like this:

Me: Ella is way cuter than that baby.

Suzanne: I know. She’s the cutest!

Certainly my kid could do this.
Certainly my kid could do this.

Me: We should look into baby modeling.

Suzanne: —–

I don’t even get a response. Just a look. One of those If you weren’t my husband I would slap you. Because you’re my husband, I’ll punch you.

Me: What?!

Suzanne: We’ve talked about this. If she wants to do it when she can make her own decisions, that’s fine. But we’re not going to force her into it.

Truth is, I don’t know anything about the baby modeling world. I’m sure it’s got a disgusting underbelly like any sort of entertainment does. The money, from what I hear, isn’t exceptional (a friend of a friend’s kid is a Baby

Gap model and gets up to $150 an hour for a photo shoot. Say it’s three hours and that’s pretty good money, but Baby Gap can afford to shell out a little bit more. Especially when it costs about $35 for a pair of baby socks that your kid will probably wear once).

Probably a 6 compared my kid.
Probably a 6 compared to my kid.

Not to take anything away from this Baby Gap model, but c’mon — it’s Baby Gap! This isn’t George’s Children’s Clothes in Encino. It’s a worldwide brand. And, yes, it’s good money for a baby sitting there and not barfing all over itself, but is it that good?

I still think my kid is adorable enough to dominate the baby modeling world, but rather than getting Anne Geddes on line one, perhaps it’s best to wait until Ella points at the TV and says “That kid’s ugly! I can do that!”


  1. this cracked me up 🙂
    (don’t do it btw…. i have friends that gave it a go and they work them hard. It’s a bit full on and no, the money isn’t good when you sit down and work it our properly per hour (as in, the time it takes you to travel to the various locations. But that was the UK…maybe it’s different where you are…)
    Good luck in any case!

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